The Stages of Fatherly Love

I’m getting married this year so I feel it’s the right time to contemplate fatherhood. What makes a good father? What did my father do that I want to emulate? What kinds of things can I do?

Fatherly love is a complicated thing, but in my mind it seems much less about affection, and much more about teaching; pushing one’s children beyond the familiar and comfortable, praising their efforts.

Fatherly love develops over time as the child enters new stages of life.

Brand New Dad: Devoted Physical Attention

Holding
Rocking
Singing
Talking
Etc.

Soothe them and care for them.

Young Childhood Dad: Exploration and Play

Create excitement for the world around them
A time for deep connection with Nature
Help them discover their physical, mental, and emotional capacities
Nurture their sense of awe for the world; bolster a positive world-view

Explain the Reason of the world as best you can.

Set a social example through:

Sports teams
Family friend groups
Churchgoing
Boys and girls coming together for group activities
Play dates

Teach them how to build and maintain all kinds of relationships, and to regulate their emotions. Teach them about death, and how to steel themselves against it.

Preteen/Young Teenager Dad: Belonging

Teach them about:

Anticipating problems
How to live a healthy life
Long-term consequences
Romantic Relationships

Find out about their character, and what life practices will best lead them down the path they choose.

Give them responsibilities and assert their belonging in the groups they are part of.

Cultivate their self-confidence in all settings, and never degrade them.

Teenager Dad: Role Model

What kind of adult should they actually be like? Embody that person.

Prepare them to set out on their own, assert their independence, and bravely forge their path.

Teach them ownership and responsibility:

For themselves in society
For themselves in relationships
For cars and other Big Things
For their destinies

You are their clearest example of adult life - without any other input they will become as you are. Don’t make them fight against that. Be a person they want to be, and they will become the person they want to be. Be a person they do not want to be, and they will fight to unbecome you, and by doing so may unbecome themselves.

Young Adult Dad: Pass the Baton

You have given them all the tools they need to succeed. Help them whenever they need with whatever they need, but send them on their own way.

Don’t lose touch.

React out, and ask.

For your child:

Support financially if necessary
Relieve some burden by helping with grandchildren
Advise appropriately

Help them course-correct if they go astray, or when they aren’t true to the values you taught them.

For your grandchildren:

Repeat the stages for as long as you can.